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I spent a lot time as a kid playing with magnets; my favorites were the round wafer shaped ones. I loved flipping one of the magnets over so that when I moved it close to another one, it would push it away; but if I flipped it over again, it would pull the other magnet to it and they would “click” together; it was magic!
People are like magnets. There are two ways to influence others and get what you want; either pushing, or pulling. Pushing, or using "push energy", is when you influence others by telling them what to do. Pulling, or using "pull energy" is when you influence others through your actions and behavior.
Another way to think about it is that using push energy is when you get somebody to do something that they don’t want to do; using pull energy is when you get somebody to do something that they do want to do. The secret of pull energy is that you can use it to change people’s minds about what they do and don’t want to do.
Imagine that you want your five year-old son to clean his room. How do you get the outcome that you want? Most parents would use push energy; they would demand that he clean his room or they would threaten with a consequence if he doesn’t clean his room. Both of these methods are “pushing”.
If you wanted to use pull energy to get the same outcome, you would create an environment in which he wanted to clean his room. You could do that by creating a game out of it; by cleaning his room, he earns points towards a reward. Better yet, you have been modeling the right behavior, cleaning your room, in a positive, fun way for as long as your son could remember. Cleaning his room goes from something that he doesn’t want to do, to something he does want to do.
Take a minute and think about how you interact with others and how you get what you want. Do you spend most of your time pushing or pulling? The most effective way to get others to behave the way you want them to is to model that behavior, consistently, and in a positive manner.
In your marriage or relationship, the best way to get the physical affection that you want is to pull it. How do you do this? By taking the time to look and act attractive to her; by spending time exercising and by eating well; by paying attention to your personal grooming and how you smell; by making her feel special and paying attention to her. You get what you want by acting in a way that attracts her to you. Simple right? It is simple, and it is ignored by many husbands and boyfriends.
In your job, the best way to get the outcomes that you want is to pull them. You can read six things you can do to become a leader and get what you want at work here.
With your friends, your kids, even your adversaries, using pull energy will get you what you want. There are however a couple of challenges that you must overcome in order to become a successful “puller”.
First, you must determine what it is that you want. Many of us aren’t this deliberate; most of us haven’t spent the time to figure out the exact outcomes we are looking for. Second, you must act in a way that attracts or pulls those outcomes to you. For example, if you want your wife or girlfriend to get in better shape and lose a few pounds, you would start exercising and eating better yourself. Focus on your own behavior; her behavior will follow.
Here is the one thing you can start doing today to put pull energy to work for you. This exercise is focused on improving your marriage/relationship, but can be applied to any situation. There are two steps to this exercise. For many people, this really tough; don’t get down on yourself if you lapse into old behavior; just acknowledge it and jump right back into the exercise.
Step 1: Write down the behaviors and attributes that make your wife/girlfriend most attractive to you. Also, write down what you hate or what really turns you off.
Step 2: Start behaving the way that would attract you and cut out all of the turn-off behaviors.
As an example, I love it when my wife comes home from work in a good mood. I am really attracted to my wife when she is smiling, laughing and having fun. It feels great when she really listens to me. It makes me feel special when she wants to spend time engaged with me and taking care of me.
So, with those behaviors identified as things that attract me to my wife, I start doing them. Regardless of how good or crappy my day was, I need to be in a good mood when I come home. I need to have fun with her, smile and laugh with her, I need to really listen to her when she is telling me about her day or sharing a story. I need to spend time with her, doing what she wants and I need to make her feel taken care of.
Because I am doing these things consistently, I start seeing these behaviors coming right back at me. Because I am acting in a way that attracts/pulls her to me, she starts acting in a way that pulls me to her; win/win!
Taking these two steps can change your marriage and your life for the better. You will struggle with this, AND, it is absolutely worth it. Get started today; let me know how it goes.
Take the lead,
Jeremiah
People are like magnets. There are two ways to influence others and get what you want; either pushing, or pulling. Pushing, or using "push energy", is when you influence others by telling them what to do. Pulling, or using "pull energy" is when you influence others through your actions and behavior.
Another way to think about it is that using push energy is when you get somebody to do something that they don’t want to do; using pull energy is when you get somebody to do something that they do want to do. The secret of pull energy is that you can use it to change people’s minds about what they do and don’t want to do.
Imagine that you want your five year-old son to clean his room. How do you get the outcome that you want? Most parents would use push energy; they would demand that he clean his room or they would threaten with a consequence if he doesn’t clean his room. Both of these methods are “pushing”.
If you wanted to use pull energy to get the same outcome, you would create an environment in which he wanted to clean his room. You could do that by creating a game out of it; by cleaning his room, he earns points towards a reward. Better yet, you have been modeling the right behavior, cleaning your room, in a positive, fun way for as long as your son could remember. Cleaning his room goes from something that he doesn’t want to do, to something he does want to do.
Take a minute and think about how you interact with others and how you get what you want. Do you spend most of your time pushing or pulling? The most effective way to get others to behave the way you want them to is to model that behavior, consistently, and in a positive manner.
In your marriage or relationship, the best way to get the physical affection that you want is to pull it. How do you do this? By taking the time to look and act attractive to her; by spending time exercising and by eating well; by paying attention to your personal grooming and how you smell; by making her feel special and paying attention to her. You get what you want by acting in a way that attracts her to you. Simple right? It is simple, and it is ignored by many husbands and boyfriends.
In your job, the best way to get the outcomes that you want is to pull them. You can read six things you can do to become a leader and get what you want at work here.
With your friends, your kids, even your adversaries, using pull energy will get you what you want. There are however a couple of challenges that you must overcome in order to become a successful “puller”.
First, you must determine what it is that you want. Many of us aren’t this deliberate; most of us haven’t spent the time to figure out the exact outcomes we are looking for. Second, you must act in a way that attracts or pulls those outcomes to you. For example, if you want your wife or girlfriend to get in better shape and lose a few pounds, you would start exercising and eating better yourself. Focus on your own behavior; her behavior will follow.
Here is the one thing you can start doing today to put pull energy to work for you. This exercise is focused on improving your marriage/relationship, but can be applied to any situation. There are two steps to this exercise. For many people, this really tough; don’t get down on yourself if you lapse into old behavior; just acknowledge it and jump right back into the exercise.
Step 1: Write down the behaviors and attributes that make your wife/girlfriend most attractive to you. Also, write down what you hate or what really turns you off.
Step 2: Start behaving the way that would attract you and cut out all of the turn-off behaviors.
As an example, I love it when my wife comes home from work in a good mood. I am really attracted to my wife when she is smiling, laughing and having fun. It feels great when she really listens to me. It makes me feel special when she wants to spend time engaged with me and taking care of me.
So, with those behaviors identified as things that attract me to my wife, I start doing them. Regardless of how good or crappy my day was, I need to be in a good mood when I come home. I need to have fun with her, smile and laugh with her, I need to really listen to her when she is telling me about her day or sharing a story. I need to spend time with her, doing what she wants and I need to make her feel taken care of.
Because I am doing these things consistently, I start seeing these behaviors coming right back at me. Because I am acting in a way that attracts/pulls her to me, she starts acting in a way that pulls me to her; win/win!
Taking these two steps can change your marriage and your life for the better. You will struggle with this, AND, it is absolutely worth it. Get started today; let me know how it goes.
Take the lead,
Jeremiah
1 comments: (+add yours?)
Awesome and very helpful, especially the piece of the attraction list. I'll try it out and tell you how it goes
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