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I was sipping my French-pressed cup of joy at Bloom this morning, talking with a new friend about the relationship between money and happiness. It's such an awesome topic and I realized that I hadn't yet written about it specifically.
Oversight corrected.
Happiness is a funny thing. You ask anyone what they want most in life; happiness is at least part of their answer, but most people have a hard time defining exactly what it looks like. If you're a regular Forging Leaders reader, you know that I believe happiness is made up of two components; living in alignment with your core values and deep relationships with other people.
So, what's the relationship between money and happiness?
Here's the deal. You CAN have both. However, when money is our focus, our relationships suffer. I know that in my life, I was the most unhappy when I had the most money. My thoughts were consumed with how to earn it and how to spend it; I didn't spend any time focused on what was truly important, my wife, my family, my friends. The more time I spent focused on money, the more I came to believe that I was what I earned.
When we don't have a lot of money, we spend more quality time with our friends and family. We realize that we can live with less and that our stuff is just stuff.
Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't turned in my capitalist membership card, I'm not suggesting that you give away all your possessions and move to a yurt in Mongolia. I firmly believe that wealth and happiness are both achievable.
Oversight corrected.
Happiness is a funny thing. You ask anyone what they want most in life; happiness is at least part of their answer, but most people have a hard time defining exactly what it looks like. If you're a regular Forging Leaders reader, you know that I believe happiness is made up of two components; living in alignment with your core values and deep relationships with other people.
So, what's the relationship between money and happiness?
Here's the deal. You CAN have both. However, when money is our focus, our relationships suffer. I know that in my life, I was the most unhappy when I had the most money. My thoughts were consumed with how to earn it and how to spend it; I didn't spend any time focused on what was truly important, my wife, my family, my friends. The more time I spent focused on money, the more I came to believe that I was what I earned.
When we don't have a lot of money, we spend more quality time with our friends and family. We realize that we can live with less and that our stuff is just stuff.
Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't turned in my capitalist membership card, I'm not suggesting that you give away all your possessions and move to a yurt in Mongolia. I firmly believe that wealth and happiness are both achievable.
The key for guys is to be deliberate about spending time on your relationships. It means turning off the TV a few nights a week and taking your wife for a walk. It means taking your kids to the park instead of the movies on the weekend. It means making time to connect with your friends on a regular basis. These relationships are where you're going to fulfill your sense of connectedness, your sense of belonging.
Being deliberate about relationships is one of the key things that I work on with my coaching clients. I help them to get really clear about what their objectives are in three areas of life; career, marriage/relationship, and personal. As guys, we find it easier to be deliberate about our career and our personal life; after all, that's what business plans and workout plans are for. What most guys never even consider is the need to approach relationships the same way. After all, why does a CEO have a business plan? Because without a plan, there's no measure of success, without a plan it's impossible to achieve long-term goals. Relationships are the same way.
So, get out there and work your butt off to achieve your career goals; just make sure that you carve out time to be just as deliberate with all of the important relationships in your life.
Take the lead,
Jeremiah
2 comments: (+add yours?)
Jeremiah,
Spot on advice on maintaining a balance and focusing on the more important aspects of one's life—the people to whom we are most intimately connected.
I would add that the achievement of truly sustainable financial success (and avoiding the professional burn-out so commonly experienced by many so-called over achievers) is best attained by remaining true to one's inner passion. Allow me to explain. As integral members of the economy in which we each find ourselves, we have a responsibility to be productive— to produce products and/or services that we can effectively exchange with others, and for which we then receive some sort of compensation, usually in the form of money.
If we spend our career energies doing what we truly love and enjoy, then our enthusiasm and passion will infect and permeate what we do and will generate a greater degree of success than if we were plodding along chasing a paycheck while doing something we really weren't passionate about, even if that paycheck was pretty damned good.
The guy that loves food and feeding people, who puts together his dream restaurant and menu, can't beat people away with a stick. There's always a line out the door because his customers recognize his love and passion for what he does and are magically drawn to it. He's a genuinely happy man fulfilling his dreams and is much more apt to treat others with the care and consideration that they deserve.
As long as he maintains the crucial career/family/personal balance in his life, he can generate tremendous sustainable wealth because his work is his passion, and he can continue on happily for many decades to have his cake and eat it too!
Thanks for the inspiration,
JPB
Amen brother! Or the example of the aspiring author, who, after 22 years with a story burning inside him, finds a way to get that story published. Your point is perfectly made, find your purpose, live your purpose and all of a sudden work doesn't feel like work.
Jeremiah
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