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"Failure is the raw material from which success is forged." - Jeremiah Miller
"Are you having a breakdown or a breakthrough?" - Tim Ferriss
When was the last time in your life that you felt amazing?
When was the last time that you felt on top of the world because of a huge success?
Let's consider that success. Was it luck? Did it just happen to you? Or was is a result of your hard work, your perseverance, your overcoming challenges, your picking yourself up off the ground every time you got knocked down until you didn’t get knocked down anymore? If the success made you feel amazing, it was likely the latter.
This concept of success having more value if it was difficult to achieve has permeated the human consciousness for millennia, in fact the saying "No pain, no gain" has been with us since the mid 1600s.
People learn through repeated attempts; repeated failures. Picture a toddler taking his first steps, jerking forward unsteadily on shaky legs, then falling down, crawling to the nearest piece of furniture, pulling themselves up, and setting out across the room again.
When any of us make the decision to grow in our lives, we are that toddler. Whether it's physical growth, like running a marathon or putting on 10 lbs of muscle; intellectual growth, like learning a new language; or emotional growth, like becoming a leader, or being a better husband or father; growth and eventual success come from failure.
Think about how you learned the most important lessons in your life. Did you learn them from something that went well for you, or did you learn through failing? As a state champion wrestler, I always learned more from my losses that I did my wins. It’s been the same way in the rest of my life; I've learned to set proper expectations with business partners because of a brutal business failure; I’ve learned to keep toxic people out of my life because of failed friendships with people who added only negativity; I’ve learned to be a loving husband because of lessons i've learned in my marriage.
I owned a mortgage company from 2004-2007; my brother, David, came to work for me on a summer internship right out of college. Not only hadn’t he sold anything before, but he also didn’t know anything about the mortgage business, and to top it off he was battling anxiety disorder. His job was to make cold calls to homeowners and find someone who was interested in speaking with a loan officer for a refinance; he would then pass the call off to an experienced loan officer.
The first few weeks of his internship were extremely difficult for him. He struggled with something that plagues most salespeople, call avoidance. He had acquired an aversion to picking up the phone and making his calls each day because of getting hung up on and being told “No” all day. One night after work, he confided in me how really didn’t think he could stick with this job for the whole summer. He got told “No” at least 25 times each day and he was to the point that he was scared to pick up the phone.
I asked him what he thought his job was. He said “To call people who might want to refinance and find out if they do.” I told him that starting the next day, his job was to collect “NOs”. That each day, his goal was to come into the office, get on the phone and get told “NO” at least 50 times. By the end of the summer, he had to have collected 1000 rejections in order for his internship to be considered a success. And, I didn’t care if he found a single person to tell him “yes”. As soon as collecting rejections became the objective it stopped being scary. He also started having successes.
David got his 1000 “NOs” that summer.
Fast forward five years. David is now the number one salesperson, out of 800 in his division, in the entire Western U.S. at one of the most prestigious life insurance companies in the country. During his first year at this company, he made three times as many cold calls as the average salesperson in his office. David learned to embrace failure.
As long as you accept responsibility for your failures and you learn from them, your failures will pave your path to success.
Because failure is vital to success, failure is precious. Pay attention to your failures; learn the lessons they are there to teach you. If you don’t learn the lesson this time, the same failure will come back around again and again until you do.
Get out there and fail.
Jeremiah
Failure: The Secret of Success
Push/Pull
I spent a lot time as a kid playing with magnets; my favorites were the round wafer shaped ones. I loved flipping one of the magnets over so that when I moved it close to another one, it would push it away; but if I flipped it over again, it would pull the other magnet to it and they would “click” together; it was magic!
People are like magnets. There are two ways to influence others and get what you want; either pushing, or pulling. Pushing, or using "push energy", is when you influence others by telling them what to do. Pulling, or using "pull energy" is when you influence others through your actions and behavior.
Another way to think about it is that using push energy is when you get somebody to do something that they don’t want to do; using pull energy is when you get somebody to do something that they do want to do. The secret of pull energy is that you can use it to change people’s minds about what they do and don’t want to do.
Imagine that you want your five year-old son to clean his room. How do you get the outcome that you want? Most parents would use push energy; they would demand that he clean his room or they would threaten with a consequence if he doesn’t clean his room. Both of these methods are “pushing”.
If you wanted to use pull energy to get the same outcome, you would create an environment in which he wanted to clean his room. You could do that by creating a game out of it; by cleaning his room, he earns points towards a reward. Better yet, you have been modeling the right behavior, cleaning your room, in a positive, fun way for as long as your son could remember. Cleaning his room goes from something that he doesn’t want to do, to something he does want to do.
Take a minute and think about how you interact with others and how you get what you want. Do you spend most of your time pushing or pulling? The most effective way to get others to behave the way you want them to is to model that behavior, consistently, and in a positive manner.
In your marriage or relationship, the best way to get the physical affection that you want is to pull it. How do you do this? By taking the time to look and act attractive to her; by spending time exercising and by eating well; by paying attention to your personal grooming and how you smell; by making her feel special and paying attention to her. You get what you want by acting in a way that attracts her to you. Simple right? It is simple, and it is ignored by many husbands and boyfriends.
In your job, the best way to get the outcomes that you want is to pull them. You can read six things you can do to become a leader and get what you want at work here.
With your friends, your kids, even your adversaries, using pull energy will get you what you want. There are however a couple of challenges that you must overcome in order to become a successful “puller”.
First, you must determine what it is that you want. Many of us aren’t this deliberate; most of us haven’t spent the time to figure out the exact outcomes we are looking for. Second, you must act in a way that attracts or pulls those outcomes to you. For example, if you want your wife or girlfriend to get in better shape and lose a few pounds, you would start exercising and eating better yourself. Focus on your own behavior; her behavior will follow.
Here is the one thing you can start doing today to put pull energy to work for you. This exercise is focused on improving your marriage/relationship, but can be applied to any situation. There are two steps to this exercise. For many people, this really tough; don’t get down on yourself if you lapse into old behavior; just acknowledge it and jump right back into the exercise.
Step 1: Write down the behaviors and attributes that make your wife/girlfriend most attractive to you. Also, write down what you hate or what really turns you off.
Step 2: Start behaving the way that would attract you and cut out all of the turn-off behaviors.
As an example, I love it when my wife comes home from work in a good mood. I am really attracted to my wife when she is smiling, laughing and having fun. It feels great when she really listens to me. It makes me feel special when she wants to spend time engaged with me and taking care of me.
So, with those behaviors identified as things that attract me to my wife, I start doing them. Regardless of how good or crappy my day was, I need to be in a good mood when I come home. I need to have fun with her, smile and laugh with her, I need to really listen to her when she is telling me about her day or sharing a story. I need to spend time with her, doing what she wants and I need to make her feel taken care of.
Because I am doing these things consistently, I start seeing these behaviors coming right back at me. Because I am acting in a way that attracts/pulls her to me, she starts acting in a way that pulls me to her; win/win!
Taking these two steps can change your marriage and your life for the better. You will struggle with this, AND, it is absolutely worth it. Get started today; let me know how it goes.
Take the lead,
Jeremiah
People are like magnets. There are two ways to influence others and get what you want; either pushing, or pulling. Pushing, or using "push energy", is when you influence others by telling them what to do. Pulling, or using "pull energy" is when you influence others through your actions and behavior.
Another way to think about it is that using push energy is when you get somebody to do something that they don’t want to do; using pull energy is when you get somebody to do something that they do want to do. The secret of pull energy is that you can use it to change people’s minds about what they do and don’t want to do.
Imagine that you want your five year-old son to clean his room. How do you get the outcome that you want? Most parents would use push energy; they would demand that he clean his room or they would threaten with a consequence if he doesn’t clean his room. Both of these methods are “pushing”.
If you wanted to use pull energy to get the same outcome, you would create an environment in which he wanted to clean his room. You could do that by creating a game out of it; by cleaning his room, he earns points towards a reward. Better yet, you have been modeling the right behavior, cleaning your room, in a positive, fun way for as long as your son could remember. Cleaning his room goes from something that he doesn’t want to do, to something he does want to do.
Take a minute and think about how you interact with others and how you get what you want. Do you spend most of your time pushing or pulling? The most effective way to get others to behave the way you want them to is to model that behavior, consistently, and in a positive manner.
In your marriage or relationship, the best way to get the physical affection that you want is to pull it. How do you do this? By taking the time to look and act attractive to her; by spending time exercising and by eating well; by paying attention to your personal grooming and how you smell; by making her feel special and paying attention to her. You get what you want by acting in a way that attracts her to you. Simple right? It is simple, and it is ignored by many husbands and boyfriends.
In your job, the best way to get the outcomes that you want is to pull them. You can read six things you can do to become a leader and get what you want at work here.
With your friends, your kids, even your adversaries, using pull energy will get you what you want. There are however a couple of challenges that you must overcome in order to become a successful “puller”.
First, you must determine what it is that you want. Many of us aren’t this deliberate; most of us haven’t spent the time to figure out the exact outcomes we are looking for. Second, you must act in a way that attracts or pulls those outcomes to you. For example, if you want your wife or girlfriend to get in better shape and lose a few pounds, you would start exercising and eating better yourself. Focus on your own behavior; her behavior will follow.
Here is the one thing you can start doing today to put pull energy to work for you. This exercise is focused on improving your marriage/relationship, but can be applied to any situation. There are two steps to this exercise. For many people, this really tough; don’t get down on yourself if you lapse into old behavior; just acknowledge it and jump right back into the exercise.
Step 1: Write down the behaviors and attributes that make your wife/girlfriend most attractive to you. Also, write down what you hate or what really turns you off.
Step 2: Start behaving the way that would attract you and cut out all of the turn-off behaviors.
As an example, I love it when my wife comes home from work in a good mood. I am really attracted to my wife when she is smiling, laughing and having fun. It feels great when she really listens to me. It makes me feel special when she wants to spend time engaged with me and taking care of me.
So, with those behaviors identified as things that attract me to my wife, I start doing them. Regardless of how good or crappy my day was, I need to be in a good mood when I come home. I need to have fun with her, smile and laugh with her, I need to really listen to her when she is telling me about her day or sharing a story. I need to spend time with her, doing what she wants and I need to make her feel taken care of.
Because I am doing these things consistently, I start seeing these behaviors coming right back at me. Because I am acting in a way that attracts/pulls her to me, she starts acting in a way that pulls me to her; win/win!
Taking these two steps can change your marriage and your life for the better. You will struggle with this, AND, it is absolutely worth it. Get started today; let me know how it goes.
Take the lead,
Jeremiah
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