Orienting your Compass

When you ask anybody what they want in life, "happiness" is at least part of their answer. So if everybody can so clearly identify "happiness" as their goal, why are there so many millions of miserable people? Why are there happy people in some of the most miserable places on earth and miserable people in some of the happiest places on earth? Why do so many people chase happiness only to arrive at the opposite result?

I believe that happiness is largely a result of two things:

1)Living in alignment with your core values
2)Close relationships with other people

This article will focus on the first, living your core values.

Doesn't it make sense that if you consistently acted in a way that aligns with your core values that you would be happier? Of course it does. You would have more self-respect, more confidence, more peace of mind and more satisfaction.

The first step towards true, sustainable happiness is to identify your core values. Core values are those attributes that you hold in the highest esteem; they are the most important components of a persons makeup.

So, what are YOUR core values? If you're like most people, you've never been deliberate about identifying and writing down your core values. I call this process orienting your compass.

Just like any journey, the first step on the road to happiness is determining where you are and which direction is north. You've got to get your bearings before you can point yourself in the right direction. Later, once our compass is oriented, we will pick a destination and build our roadmap. But for now, we need that compass.

Keep in mind that when determining your core values, that you must differentiate between values, which are traits or attributes that dictate behavior, versus outcomes. As an example, determination would be the value, success would be the outcome. Positive attitude would be the value, happiness would be the outcome. Integrity and duty are the values, being trusted, or being respected are the outcomes.

If you are having trouble identifying your top three core values, you can borrow the traits of your heroes. Think of the people who you respect most in the world. These can be historical figures, people you personally know, religious leaders, or even celebrities. Write a list of the 3-5 people you respect the most. Then evaluate the list to determine which traits you like most about those people. Once you have your list of traits, ask yourself "If I could pick three of these traits to live the rest of my life by and be the happiest with my life, which three would they be?"

My core values are Duty, Integrity and Curiosity. If I live a life in which I fulfill my obligations without having to be asked, do what I say I'm going to do and approach the world eager to ask questions and learn, I would be happy with my life.

Once you narrow down your core values list down to your top three, you're ready for the next step in orienting your compass.

Write down the first of your three core values; underneath it, write three specific actions or behaviors that would support that value. Here are mine:

Duty:
1)I will clean up after myself and be responsible for my own stuff
2)I will treat others with love and kindness
3)I will be a positive influence on any environment or relationship

You can see that with each of these actions or behaviors it's easy to see if I am doing it or not, there is no gray area. It would obviously be a failure of behavior 1 if I left a mess somewhere, like trash on the floor in the movie theatre. It would also be a failure of behavior 1 if I lost my umbrella. Behavior 2 is even easier; did I come from a place of love when I interacted with somebody? If I ever ridicule or critize someone in a destructive way, I obviously failed at behavior 3.

Go ahead and write three behaviors for the second and third of your three core values.

You'll end up with a list of three core values and nine behaviors. For the next 90 days, match your actions with the values and behaviors on your list. When you get into a situation where you normally act outside of these values, you're going to have to be very deliberate about acting in this new way.

The most challenging times for me are when I have an emotional response to something. In the heat of the moment, I have to remind myself how I want to act and that being a leader in my life is more important than getting angry, irritated or scared. Then I act the opposite of how I feel.

I actually have a bracelet that has "Act the Opposite" written on it to help me remember. Do whatever you must in order to change your behavior; the rest of your life depends on it.

When I started doing this myself, I started seeing immediate changes in how I felt and in my relationships with others. Everything in my life has changed for the better, yours will too.

I am working on another article to follow up the first 90 days of living your values. In the meantime, choose your core values, write down the behaviors that support them and start living them.

Take the Lead,

Jeremiah