Forging Your Armor

Every man can become the man he wishes he was; every man can become the hero in his life story. Most men fall short, not because they're weak, or bad, or stupid, or lazy; most men fall short, because they aren't deliberate, they don't have a map, and they won't stop and ask for directions.

Watch a man tackle a project that lies within his passion, like landscaping a back yard, building a deck, planning a fantasy football draft, or preparing for a hunting trip. What do you see? You see a man possessed with deliberation. He plans his project down to the smallest detail; he hatches contingency plans, back-up plans for his contingency plans. Then he executes; he pours his heart into the doing; he'll stay up late after his wife has gone to bed, he'll work through illness, through injury. Nothing can stop him from achieving his vision.

Now, watch a man work on his most important project, becoming the leader in his own life. How much time does he spend in deliberation, planning, making sure that he gives himself and his family the best chance at a satisfying and fulfilling life? How clear is he about his objectives? Does he know where to go for help when life knocks him down? Does he know how to forge deep relationships with his wife and children? Does he know how to foster true friendships with other men so that he has the support that only other men can provide?

Much of the work that I do with my coaching clients is around being deliberate in how they live their lives. One of the first ideas that I share with them is the concept of their Armor. Armor is authentic self-confidence. This Armor allows the wearer to take big risks with the knowledge that their Armor will protect him from harm. The Armored man can forgive someone who has betrayed him, he can offer genuine encouragement to a peer at work, he can initiate a deep, meaningful conversation with someone he doesn't know well. The Armored man can put themselves in vulnerable, scary situations and know that they will be OK.

In order to better illustrate what Armor is, I will describe the alternatives to Armor. Every single person on Earth has learned behaviors to keep themselves safe from harm.

The first alternative to Armor is "burrowing." Burrowers are people who just avoid risk and live entirely inside their comfort zone; after all, if they don't risk, they can't lose, right? Well, actually, if you don't risk, you lose in the worst way possible; you lose by living an ordinary life. Burrowers have dug in and withdrawn from life; they don't have any deep relationships (the biggest risk of all), they don't live in their passions. They just stay safe and sound in their burrow.

If you spend all of your time doing the same, comfortable activities, with the same, safe people; if you haven't tried new things, if you haven't failed lately, you may be a burrower.

The second alternative to Armor is "building walls". "Wallers" are people who seem to be full of confidence, who seem to tackle life head-on. They often come off as cocky, as supremely confident; but they don't let anybody close to them. Wallers have become experts at putting up walls to prevent others from really getting to know them. Most wallers do this because they're afraid of what others would think if they were just themselves. The waller may look like the Armored man from a distance, but the difference is in the details. The waller doesn't have deep friendships; he doesn't listen during a conversation, he's just waiting for his turn to talk. He takes the credit when he has a success and he assigns blame when he fails. The waller is selfish; he points out the negative in others and the positive in himself. The difference between the burrower and the waller is that the burrower doesn't fail (because he doesn't try); the waller fails, but he blames the failure on others.

If you hold grudges, if you don't offer sincere apologies when you wrong others; if you have dozens of "friends", but nobody who you can go to for support when you really need it, you may be a waller.

There are eight easily recognizable behaviors or traits that identify an Armored man:

1) He has an extremely positive attitude.

2) He's a great listener.

3) He's full of gratitude, and he shares this gratitude with others.

4) He regularly offers sincere compliments to others.

5) He regularly offers sincere encouragement to others.

6) He's quick to apologize sincerely when he hurts somebody.

7) He's quick to forgive when someone hurts him.

8) He asks for help.

Each behavior or trait on this list takes authentic self-confidence, or Armor. Each is difficult; either because it's scary or because it requires him to control his emotions and to act from his best self.

These eight traits are the road map that a man must have in order to become the leader in their life; the hero in their life story. The behaviors get more difficult and build upon themselves. Much like you must learn addition before you tackle calculus, you must start with 1) A Positive Attitude, before you can hope to be successful with 7) Forgiveness.

If you're a man who feels that there must be something more to life than chasing achievement, congratulations! You've had the realization that must occur before you can start on your path to leadership. I encourage you to start with number 1) Positive Attitude and work your way down the list.

If you would like me to help you on your journey, I would be honored. You can reach me at forgingleaders (at) gmail (dot) com or at 916.835.7186.

Take the lead,

Jeremiah