Leadership is Not a Title

Most people think that because they don't have "President" or "CEO" on their business card, they aren't a leader.

I was at work about a week ago and one of my co-workers, Lea, brought her timecard for me to sign. My office mate and I must have been talking about leadership, because as I handed back her timecard, Lea said, with a half-hearted smile "I remember when I was a leader." She was just trying to be funny, but as she said it, the weight of the statement hit her. She was referencing that at her previous company, she was much higher up the org. chart and had much more responsibility.


I didn't say anything in the moment, but her comment really effected me. I had been working with Lea for about a year and she brought so much to the team. She was smart, she took initiave, she was a good communicator. I always looked forward to hearing what she had to say about work; Lea had all the makings of a leader. In fact, she had been a leader, in action and in title, at her previous company. At this new job, she still retained all of the skills of a leader, she just didn't have the confidence; the problem was that she didn't see herself as a leader.


The next morning, I stopped by her desk to chat. We talked for a bit, then I reminded her that leadership wasn't a title; that any person in a company can be a leader. I told her that leaders self-identify by acting like leaders; I thought of her as a leader and she regularly inspired me to do better work and to work harder. She immediately got the point, in fact she had probably been on the other end of this conversation many times.

Leadership is not a title; leadership is behavior. Regardless of what title you have on your business card, or if you don't even have a business card, you can become a leader in your organization. Here are 6 things you can start doing today to become a leader at your work.

1. Do your job well - You've got to cover the basics before you will start to feel like, or be treated like a leader. Also, if you aren't doing well within your job role, you'll know it and that knowledge will prevent you from having the confidence you need to be a leader.


2. Take an interest in your co-workers - Spend 10-15 minutes each day getting to know the people you work with. First, identify the people who are leaders (remember, titles don't matter) and find out what their interests are, do they have kids, etc. It is a powerful thing to be in relationship with many people in various parts of your company.


3. Make new employees feel welcome - Most organizations don't do a very good job of making new people feel welcomed; that leaves a great gap for you to fill. When a new employee starts, go say "hi" on their first day and let them know if they need any help finding their way around, you'd love to help.

4. Be prepared for meetings - Meetings are your chance to "show off" your ideas and your hard work. Spend enough time prior to a meeting to make sure that you are ready to be an idea leader in that meeting.


5. Give compliments - Start by complimenting 3 people each day; eye contact and sincerity are key here. Find a real reason to compliment, i.e. "I really appreciate all the work you put in on this project", or "You've got some great ideas about how to meet the deadline" Chances are, there are people doing good, underappreciated work at your company; find them and let them know how valuable they are.

6. Ask for help/advice - Nothing is a greater compliment, or makes people feel more valued that when you go to them for help or advice. Most of us have at least half a dozen things that we are struggling with at work right now. Pick one or two and go ask someone for their advice.


6.1. *Advanced Leadership Tip* Ask advice from someone who you don't have a good relationship with. If you go to someone who you are really competitive with or who may be intimitated by you or see you as a rival and ask them for advice, you will start to see big, positive changes in your relationship.

Go out and implement "the six". Let me know how it goes.

Take the lead,

Jeremiah

Armor and Sword

Like the medeival knight, who dons a polished suit of armor, and arms himself with a two-handed sword before engaging in battle, leaders too must go out into the world armored and armed for combat.

The armor, worn by the knight, finds a parallel in the internal armor of the leader. Through acts of leadership, a leader develops a layer of confidence, of self-respect and of self-love that protects them from harm. It's this layer of armor that allows the leader to extend themselves outside of their comfort zone and to reach out to others in a very "authentic" way. This armor lets a leader risk looking foolish, or failing without taking any permenant damage.

The sword, wielded by the knight, is equivillant to the acts of leadership displayed by the leader. Just as the sword is an extension of the warrior, his actions are an extension of the leader. It is through the sword that a warrior inflicts their will on the world, it is through their behavior and actions that a leader inflicts his.


The relationship of the armor and the sword is an illustration of the Leadership Paradox. "Until a man is armored, he won't risk wielding his sword; but until he carries his sword into battle, he won't develop his armor."


The confidence, self-respect and self-love that a man needs to display true acts of leadership are only developed through acts of leadership. Here is the secret to breaking through the Leadership Paradox; act as if you were confident even though you aren't. Act as if you were brave, even though you don't feel brave. It is through these actions, when you feel the opposite, that you will start to build your armor.

Here is the Credo of the Forged Leader:

I will act confident in the face of doubt
I will act joyful in the face of sorrow
I will act brave in the face of fear
I will outwork adversity
I will own my life
In doing so, I become a leader

So, get out there and act the opposite; let me know how it goes.

Take the lead,

Jeremiah

13 Symptoms of an Ordinary Life

Nothing scares me more than imagining myself on my death-bed, filled with regret about all of the things I didn't dare do. I define an ordinary life as a life of unfulfilled potential. An ordinary life is a small, timid thing, where, the person never dares to follow their dreams because they are scared to fail.

The sudden panicked comprehension that they are living an ordinary life is what causes many men to have mid-life crises. The 3 steps of a mid-life crisis are:
1)Wake up one day to the realization that your life looks nothing like the life that you had dreamed of when you were a young man.
2)Become overwhelmed by the weight of the responsibility that you've acquired, i.e. job, kids, wife, etc.
3)Rebel against that responsibility by shedding as much of it as possible in order to chase something that you think will make you happy, i.e. new career, new woman, new identity, etc.

Unless you're extremely vigilant and know what to look for, an ordinary life will catch you unaware and infect you.

I want men to become happy with their lives by becoming leaders in their lives and by refusing to live an ordinary life. Very few of us are symptom free and everybody fails from time to time; however, if you have any of these symptoms on a consistent basis, you're in danger of walking the path of the ordinary man.

1. You're frequently disappointed with yourself.
2. You're frequently apologizing to others.
3. You stay within your comfort zone; you won't try new things.
4. You don't make new friends; you haven't added any new friendships for years.
5. Your free time is filled with solitary activities or hobbies.
6. You've surrendered control of your relationship to your wife or girlfriend.
7. You're waiting for something to happen in your life so you can be happy.
8. You blame your problems on other people or things.
9. You tolerate destructive behavior from others.
10. You won't initiate uncomfortable conversations when appropriate.
11. You aren't living in accordance with the values that you say you believe.
12. You don't have any deep/true relationships in your life.
13. You make decisions from a place of fear.

If you see any of these symptoms in your life, you can make a change today. If you haven't already, read my post "The 5 Things I Know To Be True" as well as "Leadership: A New Definition" for some ideas on how to start.

I will also be writing about each of these 13 symptoms and how to combat them in your life.

Take the lead!

Jeremiah

Leadership: A New Definition

The Forging Leaders definition of leadership:

lead·er·ship - acting like your best self; especially when you don't feel like it.

Imagine yourself in a heated conversation with your wife, or girlfriend. She's doing the same thing she always does and you've reached your boiling point; your usual reaction to this would be to yell, walk out of the room, or punch a wall.

Now, imagine time stopping in the moment before you blow up. During this time-out, you have a chance to reflect on what is really important here, your relationship, your happiness, your life fulfillment, your peace of mind, etc., and to calm down and react to your wife appropriately. So, time starts flowing again; rather than yelling and walking out of the room, you soften your body language, replace the look of anger in your eyes with a look of adoration, and say, "You know what honey, you're right. I love you; I'm ashamed and dissapointed in myself when I get angry with you. You are the most important thing in my life. Please forgive my behavior."

How would she react to this? I mean, after she picks her jaw up off the floor.

I can tell you that while you won't get that momentary feeling of satisfaction from this that yelling, or punching a wall would provide, you will get a dramatic energy shift in your relationship with her.

Many of you reading this are thinking "Thats impossible; I could never react like that." or "But then my wife would think she was right, and she was so wrong." The truth is you CAN react like this; I know from experience. I also know that it is one of the hardest things in the world to do, until it becomes a habit.

At Forging Leaders, we are building leaders who "Act the Opposite". Go ahead and use this the next time you would normally have a negative reaction to something and see what happens. Let me know how it goes.

Take the Lead!

Jeremiah

The Leadership Paradox

As a grown man, the confidence, self love and self respect we need to be a leader is only gained through acts of leadership. "We need to act like a leader to become a leader, but we feel like we need to be a leader to act like a leader." This is the Leadership Paradox.

Most men never get their mind wrapped around this idea. As men, we're waiting for something in our life to "happen" so that we can start acting like the man we want to be.

Taking the risk and acting like a leader before you feel like it, is the only way to actually become a leader. In this way, leadership is like many other things we learn in life. After all, how do you learn to speak a language? You listen to others speak it, and you begin speaking the most basic words; counting to 10, colors, simple verbs, etc. With leadership, those "basic words" are simple actions that any of us can take this minute and start to change our lives. Here are three things you can start doing today(notice I didn't say "three easy things"):

1. Tell someone who looks up to you how much you appreciate them.

2. Forgive someone, face-to-face, who you are holding a grudge against. Apologize for holding the grudge.

3. Act the opposite - The next time you are in a situation where you would fall back into old patterns and have a negative reaction to someone or something, act the opposite. For an example see "Leadership: A New Definition"

These three actions may not sound very powerful; a few years ago even I would have scoffed at the idea that one of these things could change my life for the better. Now, I can tell you with absolute certainty, I have done them, they have helped to transform my life, they work.

Find an opportunity to use one of these actions and do it; I would love to hear how it goes.

Take the lead,

Jeremiah

5 Things I Know to be True

1. There is only one way to become a leader; start acting like a leader.

2. Happiness comes from living in a way that aligns with my values.

3. Happiness comes from having close relationships with other people.

4. I am exactly where I am today because of the decisions I have made.

5. I can start being the man I want to be today; this second. There is nothing that I have to wait for, no event, no other person's choices, no amount of money that I need in order to start behaving like the man I want to be.