3 Things Coaching Has Taught Me About Leadership

Over the past six months, I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to be the leadership coach to a handful of amazing men. These are men who are working to be better leaders in their family, in their business and in their communities. In that time, I’ve learned as much from them as they have from me; this article contains some of the lessons that have meant the most. Take these lessons and use them to become a better leader in your life.

1. Get THEM to say it

In our lives, the way that most of us try to influence, or solve problems, or inspire somebody is to tell them what to do, to give them the answer. I’ve learned that rather than giving somebody the answer, if I can ask them the right questions to lead THEM to say the answer, it will mean so much more to them and they are much more likely to actually do something with it. If I tell them the answer, it’s my answer; if I get them to say the answer, it’s their answer; they own it. To use this lesson in your life, stop telling people what to do and stop giving people the answer; resist the urge. Rather, ask them probing questions so they are able to come up with their own answer.

2. If you clearly define the problem, the solution presents itself

So much of the frustration that we face in life is due to a lack of clarity about the problems we face. I’ve learned that with any problem I face, the first and most important step is to define that problem with absolute clarity. Until I’ve done that, any effort I spend in solving that problem is wasted. Much of the time, the problem my clients thought they were faced with, was actually something else entirely. Once they clearly defined the problem, the solution always presented itself. To use this lesson in your life, stop jumping right into problem solving; I know guys, it's nearly impossible. Spend more time in clearly identifying the problem; when you think you know what it is, ask five more questions. Only when you are absolutely certain about the problem, then, start thinking about a solution.

3. The truth is never the first thing we say

People protect what’s important to them. I know that to be true, but for some reason, I still assumed that my coaching clients would just open up immediately and pour their deep truths at my feet. I’ve learned that many people have never engaged in conversation with someone who is just interested in listening. I’ve learned that most people haven’t even admitted their deepest fears and motivations to themselves, much less someone outside of their family. I’ve learned that by listening and by asking thoughtful follow-up questions, eventually, people say what is true and what is important. I’ve learned that the first few answers people give are surface level answers meant to appease, but not to reveal. The truth is never the first thing we say. To use this lesson in your life, stop accepting the first answer you get. Ask follow up questions like, "tell me more about that", "how does that make you feel?", and "why is that important to you?". If you're not sure whether you're at the truth, just shut up and let them keep talking; silence is the best revealer of truth.

It wasn't until after I finished writing this article that I realized that all three lessons teach the same thing. Stop talking; ask questions and listen.

If you have any questions about any of these lessons, or about leadership coaching in general, feel free to reach out to me at forgingleaders@gmail.com

Take the lead,

Jeremiah